by Lynne Waymon, co-author of Strategic Connections: The New Face of Networking in a Collaborative World (AMACOM, January 2015)
In the movie, “The Imitation Game,” English scientists are charged with breaking the secret Nazi message code in World War II – thereby saving thousands of lives and ending the war. But, just as with the people you provide training for, there are people challenges, as well as technical hurdles to overcome. The leader, Dr. Alan Turing, is difficult, moody, rude, and hard to like. One team member tells him that the others won’t help him with this monumental task unless he is more likeable. The next scene shows Turing telling a joke and offering an apple to each team member. Even these awkward efforts bring about a positive shift in how the team members feel about Turing and their willingness to listen to his ideas.
More than sixty years later, The Harvard Business Review confirmed what Turing’s team member already knew. In a study called “Competent Jerks, Lovable Fools,” Casciaro & Lobo found that when people are asked whether they’d choose to work with someone who’s competent or someone who’s likeable, they say they’d choose the competent colleague. But, in actual real life situations, when it comes to choosing people to work with, likeability, not competence, is what attracts. When people consider who to turn to, who to ask for help, and who to trust, likeability wins.
Likeable people are congenial, pleasing, agreeable, sociable, good natured, pleasant, gracious, cordial, cheerful, sunny, and enjoyable. Doesn’t that sound like a workplace you’d like to be part of?
After observing and teaching hundreds of our clients’ employees, we believe that there are 3 kinds of likeable – and very learnable – behaviors.
1. Some behaviors say “I enjoy you,” as when
- Jim puts his phone away when Joe comes over to talk.
- Susan smiles and waves to Carlos when he comes into the room.
- Janice sends Beth a funny card that reminds her of a time they’ve enjoyed together.
- Ben sends Roger a book on the very topic he’s boning up on for his new job.
- Linda remembers Anne likes oranges and saves one for her from the conference breakfast bar.
- June introduces Ling to a coworker and mentions something they have in common.
- Don asks Samantha for advice.
- Mary invites Gloria to go first when they’re in line for coffee together.
- Susan changes her plans so she can stay and talk with Maria longer.
So what’s the bottom-line benefit of likeability? Showing you like someone sends positive messages and builds the relationship. When two people who like each other connect and converse, good things happen. Trust grows. New relationships flourish. New ideas blossom. Old problems are solved. People feel more engaged and committed. New hires become part of the team more quickly. New value is created for the organization.
